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Spouse Preference in Mail Merge

When I have included spouses in a mailing list, there seems to be a preference for the added spouse. I have two particular issues in which this is the case. For instance, if alumni John Doe and his wife Jane Doe are merged:

1) The email or mailing address is drawn from Jane Doe's page (assuming there is a difference). 

2) The digital copy of a letter is added to Jane Doe's activity feed rather than John Doe's feed.

Is there a way to establish a preference for John Doe so that all alumni mailings are posted on the alumni's page? (Or, similarly, so all thank you notes are posted on the particular donor's page)

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